20 Years of Advice and Almost Nothing to Show for it.

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      Throughout my years I have received plenty of good and bad advice. 

Surprisingly, a lot of the bad advice has come from my parents, and a lot of the good advice has come from some of my close friends. Seems backwards, does it not?

Bless my poor parents hearts. They tried, but advice was never really their forte. 

The most recent advice my step-adoptive father thing told me was to (excuse my language) screw everyone else and to just pay attention to me. He told me that everyone else is going to hate me, and that I had to look out for me and me only. 

He meant well. I know he did. But in the end, I don't want to live that way. It was a prefect example of the "Parents are People too," argument.

All of my parents "advice" is along those lines.

I remember when I was little, my parents told me that people weren't going to like me if I didn't change my personality. I was around 10 at the time, and I wasn't the happiest kid. I never really talked to anyone. This is what they were referring to by my "personality." I knew what they meant. I needed to talk and not look miserable all the time if I wanted to make friends. But things like that sort of tainted my thought about receiving advice form others. Growing up I remember thinking that people weren't going to like me because of who I was naturally, and I find that that still affects me today. 

I don't really ask my adoptive mom for advice. I'll talk to her about my problems, but I don't ever ask for her opinion on how I should handle them. Another thing I have learned over the years is that when she gives advice, the outcome will benefit her more than it will benefit me. The rare times that I do take her advice, things usually don't end up going too well for me. In the video we watched, JK Rowling says this,
"I do not blame my parents for their point of view, there is an expire date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction."
I believe that that date comes when you start making decisions for yourself. So now if I mess up, I know is no ones fault but my own.

I never really ask anyone for advice. 

People will give me advice, but for the most part, I just do what I feel I need to. If I mess up, oh well. Such is life. 

As much as I believe in taking your own advice, there have been some pieces of advice I've either heard, read, or seen that have stuck with me. 

One thing that someone told me a long time ago was to never make any rash decisions late at night. People tend to feel worse at night. Physically and emotionally.
Click Here to Read an Interesting Discussion on Why We Feel More Depressed at Night 
I find myself using this advice quite often. One of my friends will text me late at night saying that they are sad and my response is always the same. 

Sleep. Everything is better after sleep. 

If I'm laying in bed and I want to give up on something, I know that I have to wait until the next morning to officially make up my mind. That way I will be thinking clearly. 

The next piece of advice I live by is something that I discovered by myself when I was around 12 or 13. 

When I was in grade school kids were always really mean to me over stupid things like my glasses, or the fact that I was really short. But I never was mean to other kids. My teacher always would ask me why I didn't just treat them the way they treated me. My response was always the same, and still is. 

What if that child goes home everyday and cries themselves to sleep? 

What if their home life is miserable? 

Maybe the only thing that is keeping them sane is knowing that they aren't at the bottom of the social chain. If they want to call me a mean name so that they feel a little bit better for a while, so be it. That might be the only thing that they like in their lives right now. 

So the advice I would tell myself was to treat everyone like they just had the worst day of their lives. 
You don't know what people are going through. 

Yeah, you think that suicide joke you told during class was funny? Well the kid sitting in the corner of the classroom that has been contemplating wether or not he deserves to live didn't find it as funny. 

You think that fat joke was pretty clever, huh? 

Well, that girl you just made fun of goes home and sticks her fingers down her throat in hopes that one day, just maybe, she will be happy with the way she looks. 

The other piece of advice that I love is one that is simple and to the point. 

Generosity is the most important thing we have to offer. Let go of the things you don't need.

I don't remember where I heard this. It was around freshmen year. I don't think this means giving a homeless man a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. Generosity is going to the store and buying that man food. Generosity is putting others above yourself. It is something that this generation is seriously lacking. No one wants to give up the things they have. Everyone wants to have as much as they can possible get. 

If someone I know needs something, I will do whatever I need to to make sure they get it. Wether they need someone to talk to, or someone to drive them home at 3 am. I'll be there. 

I have gained many things in my life simply by being selfless and generous. 

Most of the advice that I live by is common knowledge. 
They aren't hard things to remember.

Don't make important decisions without sleeping on them first, treat people like they have just had the worst day of their lives, and don't forget to be generous. 

Maybe Just for Today (messing around with some freestyle writing)

Click this for music 
Click this for music 


Let me share with you a little story.
It's about a girl who fell in love with a broken boy.

Sometimes in order to fix something,
 something else becomes broken in the process.
This is exactly what happened.
As she was putting him back together, he was ripping her apart.

Not on purpose,
and she didn't mind it.
All she knew was that she wanted to fix him.

Nothing was right, but it was working.

But every time something on him was fixed,
something on her broke.
"But that's okay," She would say to herself.
"He's getting better. That's what matters."
She said this everyday.
Sometimes with a smile.
Sometimes in tears.

But it didn't matter because he was getting better. 
He was becoming whole again. 

Months passed. 
He was healing. 
His wounds were becoming scars.
But her scars were starting to bleed. 
It was time for him to fix her. 
But she knew he couldn't do that. 
He's not strong enough for the both of them.
...and now...neither is she...

Innocence was the key 
 She fell in love with a broken boy
 She wanted to set him free 
 She wanted to bring him joy

He wanted someone
 But he didn't want her
 He didn't know what he'd begun
 The next months were a blur

Every minute was for him
 But his broken eyes couldn't see
 Loving him was grim 
 But she couldn't leave him be

As she was fixing his heart 
 He was tearing her apart



Just messing around with some writing! Let me know what you think if you read it please :) 

Kids Are Scary

            BEFORE YOU START! CLICK ON ONE OF THESE 

         Music Of Course!! >>>>>> Click Here Before You Read!    
                                              >>>>>>>>>>  OR HERE              
                                                 >>>>>>>>>>>> OR EVEN HERE
They're all pretty rad and unplugged(wow!) 

                                           
        

       Kids are scary because they actually listen to what you are saying. If you tell them that one of their eye's is three times the size of the other, they will believe you. Why does this give me so much grief?; because, I am a sarcastic dry person who's filter has been slowly eroded by cigarette smoke, energy drinks, and unfortunate life events. The article we read about talks about children not wanting to try hard at something that they know they can already do well. I don't think I've ever seen this first hand, but it sounds plausible. 

           When I was a kid, (8-16) I grew up with a lot going on around me. I think that the things I excelled at were overlooked by the guardians I was given simply due to the constant drama surrounding my older siblings. At the time, I never really thought about receiving praise for the things I did. If I ever put forth a lot of effort to do well at something it wasn't for approval, it was for myself. I wanted to be better than everyone else at very specific things. 
       

  In Karate I had to be the youngest to get my black belt. 
          In English I had to have the highest scores on all of
           our assignments. 
          I had to have the highest scores on the standardized tests. 
          I had to be the best horseback rider in my town.
          I had (and have to) accomplish more than my siblings did.


      I didn't do any of those things expecting praise. I did them out of...boredom(?). It was more of a..."Yeah, why the Hell not?" (#LiveOffTheWall) Why not be the best at one thing this year? Next year, I'll be the best at something else. I don't think I even told my parents about anything along those lines. I went to my Karate belt graduations by myself, and all my schoolwork I did on my own. Again, I don't feel negatively about it though. My parents had a lot of other worries at the time. It taught me to be independent. It also taught me how to find satisfaction from within. You shouldn't need other people's approval to feel good about your accomplishments. 
       I don't think kids nowadays should have their parents constantly telling them what wonderful little people they are. I also don't think that parents should tell their kids how awful they are, either. I'm not really sure what a 'good' parent is though. Is it

someone who raises their children to be happy, or is it someone who raises their children to be successful? Is it both? Should the credit go to the parents if the child ends up to be both? There is a grey area that is hard to define. 
     I think that parents should think about what they say to their children before just blurting out things. Children are very sensitive. They remember the little things that adults say to them. They hold onto it too. They carry it around with them for the rest of their lives. We all end up surprisingly similar to the people who raised us. It is an unfortunate factor of growing up. We slowly melt into the mold that our parents set for us. So, a fun little thing for all you young adults out there; Set a good example. Little ones are watching. 
   

 Don't tell your kid that they suck at sports. Just encourage them to try different things. They are young. They have all the time in the world to find things that they love. Don't lie to them and tell them that they are the best at something that they aren't. Don't force your kid to do something just because you want them to. Let them find something that they WANT to be the best at. 
    Basically, just let your kid be themselves. Be honest with them, but keep in mind that children actually care about what your are telling them. Keep in mind that you have the power to either make or break a person. That's a lot of responsibility...and you know what they say; "With great power, comes great responsibility." Superman.  

The Hardest Button to Press

        The Delete Key 
click here for music for this post

Deleting things is very hard for me. 

I realized this about a year ago. 

While scrolling through my phone I came across an old friend of mine's number. Mikey Campbell.

CLICK HERE Mikey Campbell Swaggiest Kid You'd Ever Meet

Mikey passed away a little over two years ago. As I was staring down at my phone screen I found that I didn't know what to do. I kept thinking about all of the times that he called me at 1 am saying things that I should have paid closer attention to. All these memories of that crazy kid kept flowing through my head. 

I felt like if I deleted his number it would be like me officially accepting that he was gone. No, i'm not crazy, I know how death works. But never the less, I couldn't bring myself to delete the number. I knew that once it was gone, it was gone forever. I now have a few numbers in my phone that I am having the same issue with. 

It took me getting a new phone to get rid of my grandfathers (deceased)  and ex boyfriends number. 

Same thing goes for pictures as well. 

It took me about a year to delete all of the pictures on my phone of my ex. 

Why? 

Because I know that after I deleted those, the memories would slowly fade and eventually go away all together. 

It's not that I mind forgetting things...it's just knowing that I would have to let go of something that I at one point loved. 

It's much harder then expected. 

Don't believe me? 

Here's a little challenge for you. Go through your phone and delete one contact from your phone. There is at least one contact in there that you don't need anymore. Someone who you either don't need to get in contact with, or someone you can't get in contact with. 

You might be able to do it with ease.

But trust me...when you have that delete that 

one person in your life that 

you aren't ready to stop loving...then it's going to be much harder. 

Heart Like Yours

Pretty Things to Listen to 

^^Things to listen to at 1am when you're sad and you don't really know why.^^

                                                          "Heart Like Yours"

Breathe deep, breathe clear

Know that I'm here
Know that I'm here
Waitin'

Stay strong, stay gold
You don't have to fear
You don't have to fear
Waitin'

I'll see you soon
I'll see you soon

How could a heart like yours

Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

Sleep sound, sleep tight
Here in my mind
Here in my mind
Waitin'

Come close, my dear
You don't have to fear
You don't have to fear
Waitin'

I'll see you soon

I'll see you soon

How could a heart like yours
Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known

Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known


How could a heart like yours
Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

If you listened to the link at the top, you would know that these are the lyrics to the song provided. 

This might actually be my favorite song at the moment. For me, that's a pretty big deal. Like every other young women, trying to decide on ANYTHING is a big deal. So, being able to say that this is my favorite song is a pretty big deal. 

The really amazing part about this song that it isn't actually a real song. It was created simply to fill space in a movie. But it turned out AMAZING! 

(I know I have already mentioned If I Stay..but I, again, encourage you to watch it) 

The lyrics are incredible. Especially if you know the meaning behind them. 

What I really love about songs, and music in general, is that you can interpret them in any way you want to. A song can mean one thing to someone, and something completely different to someone else. Isn't that just sort of an amazing thought? 

I think it is. 

Alright, that's all, just thought I'd share a thought. 

(and an incredible song)  

What am I Waiting for?

LISTEN WHILE READING                   OMG three great song to listen 

DONE WITH THAT ONE? NEXT ONE     to quietly as you read! Gotta  

BUT THIS ONE IS GREAT TOO                       love technology!!  

LAST ONE                                                

I'm waiting for something. 

I wish I knew what that something was. 

I just know there's got to more to life than going to school and work. 

Work is frustrating because I am anything but a people person. I don't really enjoy talking to people. I used to when I was younger. But then I realized that the older I got, the more people judged me. If you just keep your head down and keep quite it's much easier to go unnoticed. Easier to avoid judgment. So, having to deal with 100's of people a day gets...stressful.  

School is boring, and I haven't learned anything new so far. It is actually really frustrating paying for classes that are a joke. I just want to learn about things that I care about. Not even that, I just want to learn things that aren't taught to a second grader. I want to write about subjects that make people uncomfortable. I want to compete with others for the highest grade. I want to be challenged. 

In high school I knew this kid who would sleep through every single one of his classes. I asked him one day why he was so tired all the time. But he told me that he didn't sleep in class because he

was tired. He slept in class because there was absolutely no reason why he needed to be there other than the fact that he needed a good attendance grade. I, of course, pointed my nose up and assumed that he was just some dumb delinquent that was probably going to fail the class. That next week the boy slept right through all of his classes as usual. I was curious about what he had scored on the end of the week exam so I glanced at his paper when our teacher handed them out. Get this, he scored 100%. It wasn't an easy assignment, either. He ended up passing the class with an A.

I never really understood it until now. I am almost 100% positive that I could sleep through all of my current classes and still manage to pass my classes with a B or higher. 

I know it's only one semester and I shouldn't be complaining...but I am so bored. I can't even handle it. I'm ready to go ahead and start a career. I'm tired of doing assignments that in the end mean nothing. They are things that as soon as they are graded I will be throwing away. 

I want to have a deadline to meet. I want to make a difference to something that matters. Not just another student that is about to have another paper graded. 

I want to do math problems that take up an entire page. I want to debate real issues. I want to write poetry that makes people cry. 

I guess I do know what I am waiting for. 

I am waiting for some kind of reason to be here. 

Rainbows, Bad Words, and Drugs

>>>>> http://users.csc.calpoly.edu/~jdalbey/Public/Bill_of_Rights.html <<<<<<<

Not quite familiar with the Bill of Rights?! Check this out and then continue reading! 



My freedoms are clearly stated in the Bill of Rights. Being from Russia and all, I feel as if I should care more about my 'freedoms' as an American. In all honesty...I really don't feel strongly either way about it. I am happy about the rights that we were given, but I guess I wouldn't really mind if they took a few of them away.

Freedom of Religion, Press, Speech, Assembly and Petition. 
I can see where the first amendment would be the most important to some people. I think that if I had choose one that I am most effected by, it would be this one. I enjoy being able to choose what I believe in. I'm not religious. My family made me go to church when I was little. But around the age of ten I had decided that going to church and living for God didn't make you a good person. What makes you a good person is doing the right things without having to have motivation to do so. Killing someone shouldn't classified as a 'sin.' It should be classified as something wrong. It should be classified as a morally wrong act that will negatively effect people for the rest of their lives. I'm getting distracted.
I enjoy the fact that I can say what I please.
(With a few exceptions...SIDE NOTE: don't run into a building and yell fire. Won't end too well for you buddy. Unless you realllllly like Orange is the New Black )

In reality though, if we suddenly changed the bill of rights and took out the freedom of speech, I don't think I would mind. So I can't curse in public because it's offensive to children? Yeah I can understand that. I can't walk up to someone I don't know and tell them that they are a living abortion? Yeah, I totally get that. No big deal. I don't really talk in public anyway.
Petitioning? Yeah...I don't have time for that, but thank you to all the people that do.
Thanks for helping with he whole racism/slave thing, that was actually really annoying.
Thanks for making women (a little) more equal.
Thanks for making sure people (kinda) accept gay people.
(For all those protesters out there, next goal should be cheaper college, cool...thanks.) 

Right to Bear Arms. 
I was talking to this guy from England recently and when I asked if him about America, he told me that everyone is obsessed with the fact that we can have guns.  Yeah I don't care about guns. If you took that right away from us it would not effect me one little bit.

No Quartering Soldiers
... I guess i'm glad I don't have a random stranger living with me. Quite honestly though, I, again, wouldn't mind it too much. This person just fought a war for me...
Yeah he can sleep on my sofa and eat my Campbell's chicken noodle soup. 

Unreasonable Search and Seizures. 
If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.
If someone had a bomb at my school and some police officers came around and wanted to check my backpack, I wouldn't argue. They're just doing their jobs. If some police officers thought I was doing drugs and they randomly wanted to check my house, I wouldn't deny them access. I know that I don't do anything illegal, and after they look around they will know that as well. If I can help make a police officers job easier, i'll do it.

Right to Due Process of Law, Freedom From Self-incrimination, Double Jeopardy.
I guess I won't care about this one until it effects me in some way. I am happy that if I got in trouble for something I could get a fair trial.

Right to a Speedy (and public) Trial.
Hm...how do I feel about this? I am grateful that I won't sit in jail for years over something that I might or might not have done. Yeah that's pretty cool.

Right to a Trail by Jury in a Civil Case.
This could go either way... I am not sure if I really trust average American citizens enough to make an educated opinion. On the other hand, having one person decide everything on their own would be even scarier.

Freedom From Excessive Bail/ Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
I can see where this would be nice. I wouldn't want my judge to be like, oh you were speeding, here eat a bucket of spiders and we'll call it all good.

Other Right's of the People.
This covers a large grey area of our rights. So thanks, yeah this is cool for all of those nasty little in-betweens.

Powers Reserved by the States. 
This one I really enjoy. Basically, it is saying that every state can make up their own laws. Good for them. Arizona, you want to make it illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub? Alright, that's cool. You go ahead and do that.

So that's where I stand on my freedoms. I don' really care all that much. I am grateful that they are there, but it would kill me if they weren't. 

Girls Are Weird. So Are Boys.

OMG A SONG! LOOK, RIGHT UNDER THIS. OMG NO WAY?! WAY. TOTES.
>>>>>>>>>>>>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-ORhEE9VVg <<<<<<<<<<<<<

Boys only want love if it's torture. 

It's a Taylor Swift song, and it's words are so true that it hurts. 

Same thing goes with girls. 

Here's an example. 

Say a girl has to choose between two different situations. 

1st One!:

 There's a boy that she likes, he's pretty attractive, but he doesn't

give her the time of day. She messages him everyday, and he responds with one word. She'll ask for him to come hang out with her, and he's never really all that excited. She wants him so much she can't stand it. But it's clear that he doesn't care about her at all. But she still thinks there might be a chance.
  2nd One!:

Then there is the other boy! He is ...let's say average. Not her type at all.  She isn't interested in him in anyway other than a friend. They have a lot in common, but she just isn't feeling it. He, however, is convinced that he can win her over. He texts her everyday. Always wanting to spend time with her, always wanting to make her happy. 
VERDICT?!

Looking at this, it's easy to say, "Don't give the first one the time of day, he obviously does not care about the girl." 

It's easy to say "The second one will make her happier in the end." 

But that's just not quite how we work, now is it?

 It's easier said then done. We seem to only want the things that are bad for us. In my previous blogs I talk about 'human nature.' This is another example of human nature and how it sucks. 

We want what we can't have. 

Here's a fun little study that shows our human nature at it's worst/best. 

(((PTSSS IT'S RIGHT UNDER HEEEERRRREEEE))))

OMG LOOK. THERE'S A FUNNY VIDEO RIGHT UNDER THIS! NOW WAY? WAY. TOTES. OMG EXCITEMENT!!

>>>>>>>>>> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_oy9614HQ  <<<<<<<

Brain Storm time. What if this was you?

 (If you were a guy, what if you were stuck between two girls) 

And don't be that smart ass that decides they want both. 

                                     Both is not an option.

The one that you love 

that doesn't love you?

OR

The one that you don't love that loves you? 

Hope I at least gave you something to think about! 
What would you do? 

No Offense

Who Are You?

Who are you?

Out of all the stupid questions in the world, this one is the worst.

 Every year we are asked to write about, 'who we are.' Why do I loath this annual assignment so much? Well, first of all, who I am has nothing to do with how I learn or how I should be acting in a classroom environment. You should never let personal things get in the way of your school work. Second of all, teachers every year constantly ask us this question, but in reality, no one gives a damn about 'who you are.' We are all just trying to get through class. We don't want to know about your pet rock. Finally, who we are changes every damn week. Expecting a college student to be the same person two weeks in a row is almost laughable. Still need some convincing about why this question is even dumber than Donald Trump's view's on immigration? Not only am I forced to, but I would be happy to go into more detail.  

Who I am has nothing to do with my learning ability.

 ADHD is...well distracting (HA GET IT?!), but it is no ones problem but my own. It effects no one but myself. So what does sharing this fact with twenty other people do? I'll tell you what it does, NOTHING. Writing this issue down on paper won't help me, the teacher, or anyone around me. People aren't going to change anything to help someone with a problem that 11 percent of America has. (Kimberly Holland, Elsbeth Riley, Healthline) Knowing that I own a Pitbull named Isis will do what? Again, NOTHING, It doesn't matter. Everything about our personal lives is classified as 'trivial.' Being adopted from Russia barely even effects me. So why the Hell would it effect anyone in a class that I have for an hour twice a week? It doesn't. Knowing even the most important things in my life causes no effect to anyone including my teacher. 

   <<<<<<This is Isis. The more you know,

                                                                                           She's pretty hot, huh?

No one really cares about the things I have to say. 

I can almost guarantee you that no one is going to care if I told them I worked in a grocery store. Don't believe me? Ask yourself this, "Do I honestly care that this stranger collects vintage Vans shoes?" Do you? Probably not, 50% of the time we only pay attention to people that we think we can benefit from in the future. For instance, someone we are attracted to, or someone who's father is a billionaire. I don't know about you, but if I found out that someone in this class was an heir to a billionaire I might just stick a little bit closer to them. (joking of course...kinda) Although I feel this way, that doesn't go to say that I don't pay attention to people when they are talking about their personal lives. For instance, I know that the chick in the back of the classroom owns cats and I know that the the boy behind me, Wong?...Whang?...Something like that, he pays close attention to detail. So, it's not that I don't pay attention, I just know that when this semester ends it will make no difference if I knew those things or not. All that trivial information will most likely be erased from my brain as i'm sleeping anyways. Why? Because those facts don't matter. Tell you what, If the cute kid at the upper right corner of the class tells us that he's a serial killer, I'll go ahead and care enough to keep that as a note in the back of my head.  

My personality changes by the minute.

Sometimes my personality will change just from the last movie I watched. If I just got done watching Lords of Dogtown, then you'll see me all pumped up ready to skate! If I just got done watching If I Stay, I will most likely be locked up in my bedroom with a book because I'm depressed after watching that evil sadistic movie. (SIDE NOTE: Haven't watched either of those movies yet? Do it, they're both on Netflix!) One week I might be really stressed out which will turn me into your typical cynical teenage girl. Another week I might be looking forward to to an upcoming event which might make me more optimistic. (SIDE NOTE: "Falling prey to these unconscious biases can have a lasting affect on your relationship too, as gathering more information about the person, in most cases, will only serve to reinforce our original, biased judgment."- Jory Mackay. I added this is in as a side note for you for a specific reason, If you meet me and i'm not in the best of moods, please do not assume I will always be like that. It was probably caused from events that took place that day.)

"Our bodies are constants and our personalities are ever changing variables that are effected by the events that take place in our lives." -Maddie Bright

(this is me) ^^^^

<<<<If I Stay

<<<<<<Lords of Dogtown 

I realize that some people might see this and might think,

 "Wow, what a pessimist, just do the assignment. You OBVIOUSLY just don't want to put in the work." 

I probably would be thinking around the same thing if I had just read this, But that is not why I wrote it this way. I love to write, I truly do. I'm not trying to get out of an assignment or anything like that. But you can only do something you hate so many times before you snap. This is a pet peeve that has been building since the third grade. Every year for 10 years a teacher has told me, 

'Write about who you are.' I would pour my heart out on 6 or 7 pages only to realize how unimportant and unappreciated all my hard work was.  Anther kid would come up and hand in one singular paragraph and get exactly the same grade as me. So, stick a fork in me, because I am done. YES, I know that this wasn't the assignment, and to that comment I formally invite you to bite me. I will also encourage you to look a little bit closer at everything you have just read. You actually did learn quite a bit about me. You learned about my ADHD, my animals, where I work, where I came from, my favorite movies, and my hobbies. I know it most likely will make no difference, because most teachers are quite bull headed and believe in their syllabus's more so than a bible, but for any teacher reading this, STOP TELLING US TO WRITE ABOUT OURSELVES!