20 Years of Advice and Almost Nothing to Show for it.

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      Throughout my years I have received plenty of good and bad advice. 

Surprisingly, a lot of the bad advice has come from my parents, and a lot of the good advice has come from some of my close friends. Seems backwards, does it not?

Bless my poor parents hearts. They tried, but advice was never really their forte. 

The most recent advice my step-adoptive father thing told me was to (excuse my language) screw everyone else and to just pay attention to me. He told me that everyone else is going to hate me, and that I had to look out for me and me only. 

He meant well. I know he did. But in the end, I don't want to live that way. It was a prefect example of the "Parents are People too," argument.

All of my parents "advice" is along those lines.

I remember when I was little, my parents told me that people weren't going to like me if I didn't change my personality. I was around 10 at the time, and I wasn't the happiest kid. I never really talked to anyone. This is what they were referring to by my "personality." I knew what they meant. I needed to talk and not look miserable all the time if I wanted to make friends. But things like that sort of tainted my thought about receiving advice form others. Growing up I remember thinking that people weren't going to like me because of who I was naturally, and I find that that still affects me today. 

I don't really ask my adoptive mom for advice. I'll talk to her about my problems, but I don't ever ask for her opinion on how I should handle them. Another thing I have learned over the years is that when she gives advice, the outcome will benefit her more than it will benefit me. The rare times that I do take her advice, things usually don't end up going too well for me. In the video we watched, JK Rowling says this,
"I do not blame my parents for their point of view, there is an expire date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction."
I believe that that date comes when you start making decisions for yourself. So now if I mess up, I know is no ones fault but my own.

I never really ask anyone for advice. 

People will give me advice, but for the most part, I just do what I feel I need to. If I mess up, oh well. Such is life. 

As much as I believe in taking your own advice, there have been some pieces of advice I've either heard, read, or seen that have stuck with me. 

One thing that someone told me a long time ago was to never make any rash decisions late at night. People tend to feel worse at night. Physically and emotionally.
Click Here to Read an Interesting Discussion on Why We Feel More Depressed at Night 
I find myself using this advice quite often. One of my friends will text me late at night saying that they are sad and my response is always the same. 

Sleep. Everything is better after sleep. 

If I'm laying in bed and I want to give up on something, I know that I have to wait until the next morning to officially make up my mind. That way I will be thinking clearly. 

The next piece of advice I live by is something that I discovered by myself when I was around 12 or 13. 

When I was in grade school kids were always really mean to me over stupid things like my glasses, or the fact that I was really short. But I never was mean to other kids. My teacher always would ask me why I didn't just treat them the way they treated me. My response was always the same, and still is. 

What if that child goes home everyday and cries themselves to sleep? 

What if their home life is miserable? 

Maybe the only thing that is keeping them sane is knowing that they aren't at the bottom of the social chain. If they want to call me a mean name so that they feel a little bit better for a while, so be it. That might be the only thing that they like in their lives right now. 

So the advice I would tell myself was to treat everyone like they just had the worst day of their lives. 
You don't know what people are going through. 

Yeah, you think that suicide joke you told during class was funny? Well the kid sitting in the corner of the classroom that has been contemplating wether or not he deserves to live didn't find it as funny. 

You think that fat joke was pretty clever, huh? 

Well, that girl you just made fun of goes home and sticks her fingers down her throat in hopes that one day, just maybe, she will be happy with the way she looks. 

The other piece of advice that I love is one that is simple and to the point. 

Generosity is the most important thing we have to offer. Let go of the things you don't need.

I don't remember where I heard this. It was around freshmen year. I don't think this means giving a homeless man a hundred dollar bill and call it a day. Generosity is going to the store and buying that man food. Generosity is putting others above yourself. It is something that this generation is seriously lacking. No one wants to give up the things they have. Everyone wants to have as much as they can possible get. 

If someone I know needs something, I will do whatever I need to to make sure they get it. Wether they need someone to talk to, or someone to drive them home at 3 am. I'll be there. 

I have gained many things in my life simply by being selfless and generous. 

Most of the advice that I live by is common knowledge. 
They aren't hard things to remember.

Don't make important decisions without sleeping on them first, treat people like they have just had the worst day of their lives, and don't forget to be generous. 

Maybe Just for Today (messing around with some freestyle writing)

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Click this for music 


Let me share with you a little story.
It's about a girl who fell in love with a broken boy.

Sometimes in order to fix something,
 something else becomes broken in the process.
This is exactly what happened.
As she was putting him back together, he was ripping her apart.

Not on purpose,
and she didn't mind it.
All she knew was that she wanted to fix him.

Nothing was right, but it was working.

But every time something on him was fixed,
something on her broke.
"But that's okay," She would say to herself.
"He's getting better. That's what matters."
She said this everyday.
Sometimes with a smile.
Sometimes in tears.

But it didn't matter because he was getting better. 
He was becoming whole again. 

Months passed. 
He was healing. 
His wounds were becoming scars.
But her scars were starting to bleed. 
It was time for him to fix her. 
But she knew he couldn't do that. 
He's not strong enough for the both of them.
...and now...neither is she...

Innocence was the key 
 She fell in love with a broken boy
 She wanted to set him free 
 She wanted to bring him joy

He wanted someone
 But he didn't want her
 He didn't know what he'd begun
 The next months were a blur

Every minute was for him
 But his broken eyes couldn't see
 Loving him was grim 
 But she couldn't leave him be

As she was fixing his heart 
 He was tearing her apart



Just messing around with some writing! Let me know what you think if you read it please :) 

Heart Like Yours

Pretty Things to Listen to 

^^Things to listen to at 1am when you're sad and you don't really know why.^^

                                                          "Heart Like Yours"

Breathe deep, breathe clear

Know that I'm here
Know that I'm here
Waitin'

Stay strong, stay gold
You don't have to fear
You don't have to fear
Waitin'

I'll see you soon
I'll see you soon

How could a heart like yours

Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

Sleep sound, sleep tight
Here in my mind
Here in my mind
Waitin'

Come close, my dear
You don't have to fear
You don't have to fear
Waitin'

I'll see you soon

I'll see you soon

How could a heart like yours
Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known

Hold fast hope
All your love is all I've ever known


How could a heart like yours
Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes

If you listened to the link at the top, you would know that these are the lyrics to the song provided. 

This might actually be my favorite song at the moment. For me, that's a pretty big deal. Like every other young women, trying to decide on ANYTHING is a big deal. So, being able to say that this is my favorite song is a pretty big deal. 

The really amazing part about this song that it isn't actually a real song. It was created simply to fill space in a movie. But it turned out AMAZING! 

(I know I have already mentioned If I Stay..but I, again, encourage you to watch it) 

The lyrics are incredible. Especially if you know the meaning behind them. 

What I really love about songs, and music in general, is that you can interpret them in any way you want to. A song can mean one thing to someone, and something completely different to someone else. Isn't that just sort of an amazing thought? 

I think it is. 

Alright, that's all, just thought I'd share a thought. 

(and an incredible song)  

What am I Waiting for?

LISTEN WHILE READING                   OMG three great song to listen 

DONE WITH THAT ONE? NEXT ONE     to quietly as you read! Gotta  

BUT THIS ONE IS GREAT TOO                       love technology!!  

LAST ONE                                                

I'm waiting for something. 

I wish I knew what that something was. 

I just know there's got to more to life than going to school and work. 

Work is frustrating because I am anything but a people person. I don't really enjoy talking to people. I used to when I was younger. But then I realized that the older I got, the more people judged me. If you just keep your head down and keep quite it's much easier to go unnoticed. Easier to avoid judgment. So, having to deal with 100's of people a day gets...stressful.  

School is boring, and I haven't learned anything new so far. It is actually really frustrating paying for classes that are a joke. I just want to learn about things that I care about. Not even that, I just want to learn things that aren't taught to a second grader. I want to write about subjects that make people uncomfortable. I want to compete with others for the highest grade. I want to be challenged. 

In high school I knew this kid who would sleep through every single one of his classes. I asked him one day why he was so tired all the time. But he told me that he didn't sleep in class because he

was tired. He slept in class because there was absolutely no reason why he needed to be there other than the fact that he needed a good attendance grade. I, of course, pointed my nose up and assumed that he was just some dumb delinquent that was probably going to fail the class. That next week the boy slept right through all of his classes as usual. I was curious about what he had scored on the end of the week exam so I glanced at his paper when our teacher handed them out. Get this, he scored 100%. It wasn't an easy assignment, either. He ended up passing the class with an A.

I never really understood it until now. I am almost 100% positive that I could sleep through all of my current classes and still manage to pass my classes with a B or higher. 

I know it's only one semester and I shouldn't be complaining...but I am so bored. I can't even handle it. I'm ready to go ahead and start a career. I'm tired of doing assignments that in the end mean nothing. They are things that as soon as they are graded I will be throwing away. 

I want to have a deadline to meet. I want to make a difference to something that matters. Not just another student that is about to have another paper graded. 

I want to do math problems that take up an entire page. I want to debate real issues. I want to write poetry that makes people cry. 

I guess I do know what I am waiting for. 

I am waiting for some kind of reason to be here. 

No Offense

Who Are You?

Who are you?

Out of all the stupid questions in the world, this one is the worst.

 Every year we are asked to write about, 'who we are.' Why do I loath this annual assignment so much? Well, first of all, who I am has nothing to do with how I learn or how I should be acting in a classroom environment. You should never let personal things get in the way of your school work. Second of all, teachers every year constantly ask us this question, but in reality, no one gives a damn about 'who you are.' We are all just trying to get through class. We don't want to know about your pet rock. Finally, who we are changes every damn week. Expecting a college student to be the same person two weeks in a row is almost laughable. Still need some convincing about why this question is even dumber than Donald Trump's view's on immigration? Not only am I forced to, but I would be happy to go into more detail.  

Who I am has nothing to do with my learning ability.

 ADHD is...well distracting (HA GET IT?!), but it is no ones problem but my own. It effects no one but myself. So what does sharing this fact with twenty other people do? I'll tell you what it does, NOTHING. Writing this issue down on paper won't help me, the teacher, or anyone around me. People aren't going to change anything to help someone with a problem that 11 percent of America has. (Kimberly Holland, Elsbeth Riley, Healthline) Knowing that I own a Pitbull named Isis will do what? Again, NOTHING, It doesn't matter. Everything about our personal lives is classified as 'trivial.' Being adopted from Russia barely even effects me. So why the Hell would it effect anyone in a class that I have for an hour twice a week? It doesn't. Knowing even the most important things in my life causes no effect to anyone including my teacher. 

   <<<<<<This is Isis. The more you know,

                                                                                           She's pretty hot, huh?

No one really cares about the things I have to say. 

I can almost guarantee you that no one is going to care if I told them I worked in a grocery store. Don't believe me? Ask yourself this, "Do I honestly care that this stranger collects vintage Vans shoes?" Do you? Probably not, 50% of the time we only pay attention to people that we think we can benefit from in the future. For instance, someone we are attracted to, or someone who's father is a billionaire. I don't know about you, but if I found out that someone in this class was an heir to a billionaire I might just stick a little bit closer to them. (joking of course...kinda) Although I feel this way, that doesn't go to say that I don't pay attention to people when they are talking about their personal lives. For instance, I know that the chick in the back of the classroom owns cats and I know that the the boy behind me, Wong?...Whang?...Something like that, he pays close attention to detail. So, it's not that I don't pay attention, I just know that when this semester ends it will make no difference if I knew those things or not. All that trivial information will most likely be erased from my brain as i'm sleeping anyways. Why? Because those facts don't matter. Tell you what, If the cute kid at the upper right corner of the class tells us that he's a serial killer, I'll go ahead and care enough to keep that as a note in the back of my head.  

My personality changes by the minute.

Sometimes my personality will change just from the last movie I watched. If I just got done watching Lords of Dogtown, then you'll see me all pumped up ready to skate! If I just got done watching If I Stay, I will most likely be locked up in my bedroom with a book because I'm depressed after watching that evil sadistic movie. (SIDE NOTE: Haven't watched either of those movies yet? Do it, they're both on Netflix!) One week I might be really stressed out which will turn me into your typical cynical teenage girl. Another week I might be looking forward to to an upcoming event which might make me more optimistic. (SIDE NOTE: "Falling prey to these unconscious biases can have a lasting affect on your relationship too, as gathering more information about the person, in most cases, will only serve to reinforce our original, biased judgment."- Jory Mackay. I added this is in as a side note for you for a specific reason, If you meet me and i'm not in the best of moods, please do not assume I will always be like that. It was probably caused from events that took place that day.)

"Our bodies are constants and our personalities are ever changing variables that are effected by the events that take place in our lives." -Maddie Bright

(this is me) ^^^^

<<<<If I Stay

<<<<<<Lords of Dogtown 

I realize that some people might see this and might think,

 "Wow, what a pessimist, just do the assignment. You OBVIOUSLY just don't want to put in the work." 

I probably would be thinking around the same thing if I had just read this, But that is not why I wrote it this way. I love to write, I truly do. I'm not trying to get out of an assignment or anything like that. But you can only do something you hate so many times before you snap. This is a pet peeve that has been building since the third grade. Every year for 10 years a teacher has told me, 

'Write about who you are.' I would pour my heart out on 6 or 7 pages only to realize how unimportant and unappreciated all my hard work was.  Anther kid would come up and hand in one singular paragraph and get exactly the same grade as me. So, stick a fork in me, because I am done. YES, I know that this wasn't the assignment, and to that comment I formally invite you to bite me. I will also encourage you to look a little bit closer at everything you have just read. You actually did learn quite a bit about me. You learned about my ADHD, my animals, where I work, where I came from, my favorite movies, and my hobbies. I know it most likely will make no difference, because most teachers are quite bull headed and believe in their syllabus's more so than a bible, but for any teacher reading this, STOP TELLING US TO WRITE ABOUT OURSELVES! 

Helping or Hurting

 Everyone always talks about what it's like to live with depression, but what is it like to live with a loved one that suffers from depression? 

How do you help someone who refuses to be helped? 

How do you keep someone happy when all they want to be is sad? 

       Some people have a permanent raincloud that is in constant hover above their heads. Psychology Today states, "Depression distorts your thinking. When you are depressed, your mind can play tricks on you." Perhaps that is why it is so hard to get some people to understand that life isn't as bad as they think it is. At some point in your life you've probably heard a mother or father tell you to stray away from negative people. Why do your parents tell you this? Well believe it or not, it's not because your parents hate you and strive to make your life more miserable. It is because humans are a species that develop the traits of those who we spend time with. Naturally, our first instinct is to disagree. People generally like to think of themselves as individuals. But mimicking others is in our nature as human beings. In fact, it's been proven that people that are attracted to each other will mimic each others gestures. For example, if one leans to the left, the other will also lean to the left. If one person coughs, the other one might in a few minutes. (It's a fun thing to watch for on your next date.) But just like on a date, you will also tend to naturally mimic those around you emotionally. This is exactly why your parents tell you to stay away from 'troublemakers,' or people with 'problems.' But what happens when the person with a problem is someone that you really care about? 

Have you ever known anyone that struggles with depression? It's like loving a shadow of who that person used to be. Have you ever had someone you love tell you that they don't want to live anymore? It's like getting hit the the chest with a brick. You start thinking about all of the things that you could have done to make them feel that way. You start trying everything in your power to help them. If your efforts make no difference towards their attitude it makes you feel even worse. You feel helpless. It breaks your heart to see someone you care about not care about themselves. It's as if while you're trying to put them back together they're ripping you apart in the process. 

It's hard for others to understand why you still associate with that person. They don't understand why you try so hard to help someone that doesn't want your help. But for a lot of people, the answer is simply fear. The fear of 'what if.' 

What if you did stop caring? 

What if you did give up on trying? 

Either one of two things would happen. 

A. They will be fine and fix themselves through self motivation.

or 

B. They won't get better and you will have to live with the fact that you could have done more to help them and didn't. But now it's too late. Because they're gone. 

There is no black and white simple solution. 

They are constantly on your mind. 

How can I make them feel better today? 

How can I make them happier? 

How can I help them? 

If I did something, would it change anything?

 It's like swimming in an ocean with the current constantly pushing against you. You go nowhere and you're constantly tired. Living with Depression is hard. 

But, living with someone who is depressed is just as hard.

References 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/200907/10-little-known-facts-about-depression

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zApulZXDLVQ
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