What am I Waiting for?

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I'm waiting for something. 

I wish I knew what that something was. 

I just know there's got to more to life than going to school and work. 

Work is frustrating because I am anything but a people person. I don't really enjoy talking to people. I used to when I was younger. But then I realized that the older I got, the more people judged me. If you just keep your head down and keep quite it's much easier to go unnoticed. Easier to avoid judgment. So, having to deal with 100's of people a day gets...stressful.  

School is boring, and I haven't learned anything new so far. It is actually really frustrating paying for classes that are a joke. I just want to learn about things that I care about. Not even that, I just want to learn things that aren't taught to a second grader. I want to write about subjects that make people uncomfortable. I want to compete with others for the highest grade. I want to be challenged. 

In high school I knew this kid who would sleep through every single one of his classes. I asked him one day why he was so tired all the time. But he told me that he didn't sleep in class because he

was tired. He slept in class because there was absolutely no reason why he needed to be there other than the fact that he needed a good attendance grade. I, of course, pointed my nose up and assumed that he was just some dumb delinquent that was probably going to fail the class. That next week the boy slept right through all of his classes as usual. I was curious about what he had scored on the end of the week exam so I glanced at his paper when our teacher handed them out. Get this, he scored 100%. It wasn't an easy assignment, either. He ended up passing the class with an A.

I never really understood it until now. I am almost 100% positive that I could sleep through all of my current classes and still manage to pass my classes with a B or higher. 

I know it's only one semester and I shouldn't be complaining...but I am so bored. I can't even handle it. I'm ready to go ahead and start a career. I'm tired of doing assignments that in the end mean nothing. They are things that as soon as they are graded I will be throwing away. 

I want to have a deadline to meet. I want to make a difference to something that matters. Not just another student that is about to have another paper graded. 

I want to do math problems that take up an entire page. I want to debate real issues. I want to write poetry that makes people cry. 

I guess I do know what I am waiting for. 

I am waiting for some kind of reason to be here. 

Rainbows, Bad Words, and Drugs

>>>>> http://users.csc.calpoly.edu/~jdalbey/Public/Bill_of_Rights.html <<<<<<<

Not quite familiar with the Bill of Rights?! Check this out and then continue reading! 



My freedoms are clearly stated in the Bill of Rights. Being from Russia and all, I feel as if I should care more about my 'freedoms' as an American. In all honesty...I really don't feel strongly either way about it. I am happy about the rights that we were given, but I guess I wouldn't really mind if they took a few of them away.

Freedom of Religion, Press, Speech, Assembly and Petition. 
I can see where the first amendment would be the most important to some people. I think that if I had choose one that I am most effected by, it would be this one. I enjoy being able to choose what I believe in. I'm not religious. My family made me go to church when I was little. But around the age of ten I had decided that going to church and living for God didn't make you a good person. What makes you a good person is doing the right things without having to have motivation to do so. Killing someone shouldn't classified as a 'sin.' It should be classified as something wrong. It should be classified as a morally wrong act that will negatively effect people for the rest of their lives. I'm getting distracted.
I enjoy the fact that I can say what I please.
(With a few exceptions...SIDE NOTE: don't run into a building and yell fire. Won't end too well for you buddy. Unless you realllllly like Orange is the New Black )

In reality though, if we suddenly changed the bill of rights and took out the freedom of speech, I don't think I would mind. So I can't curse in public because it's offensive to children? Yeah I can understand that. I can't walk up to someone I don't know and tell them that they are a living abortion? Yeah, I totally get that. No big deal. I don't really talk in public anyway.
Petitioning? Yeah...I don't have time for that, but thank you to all the people that do.
Thanks for helping with he whole racism/slave thing, that was actually really annoying.
Thanks for making women (a little) more equal.
Thanks for making sure people (kinda) accept gay people.
(For all those protesters out there, next goal should be cheaper college, cool...thanks.) 

Right to Bear Arms. 
I was talking to this guy from England recently and when I asked if him about America, he told me that everyone is obsessed with the fact that we can have guns.  Yeah I don't care about guns. If you took that right away from us it would not effect me one little bit.

No Quartering Soldiers
... I guess i'm glad I don't have a random stranger living with me. Quite honestly though, I, again, wouldn't mind it too much. This person just fought a war for me...
Yeah he can sleep on my sofa and eat my Campbell's chicken noodle soup. 

Unreasonable Search and Seizures. 
If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.
If someone had a bomb at my school and some police officers came around and wanted to check my backpack, I wouldn't argue. They're just doing their jobs. If some police officers thought I was doing drugs and they randomly wanted to check my house, I wouldn't deny them access. I know that I don't do anything illegal, and after they look around they will know that as well. If I can help make a police officers job easier, i'll do it.

Right to Due Process of Law, Freedom From Self-incrimination, Double Jeopardy.
I guess I won't care about this one until it effects me in some way. I am happy that if I got in trouble for something I could get a fair trial.

Right to a Speedy (and public) Trial.
Hm...how do I feel about this? I am grateful that I won't sit in jail for years over something that I might or might not have done. Yeah that's pretty cool.

Right to a Trail by Jury in a Civil Case.
This could go either way... I am not sure if I really trust average American citizens enough to make an educated opinion. On the other hand, having one person decide everything on their own would be even scarier.

Freedom From Excessive Bail/ Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
I can see where this would be nice. I wouldn't want my judge to be like, oh you were speeding, here eat a bucket of spiders and we'll call it all good.

Other Right's of the People.
This covers a large grey area of our rights. So thanks, yeah this is cool for all of those nasty little in-betweens.

Powers Reserved by the States. 
This one I really enjoy. Basically, it is saying that every state can make up their own laws. Good for them. Arizona, you want to make it illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub? Alright, that's cool. You go ahead and do that.

So that's where I stand on my freedoms. I don' really care all that much. I am grateful that they are there, but it would kill me if they weren't. 

Helping or Hurting

 Everyone always talks about what it's like to live with depression, but what is it like to live with a loved one that suffers from depression? 

How do you help someone who refuses to be helped? 

How do you keep someone happy when all they want to be is sad? 

       Some people have a permanent raincloud that is in constant hover above their heads. Psychology Today states, "Depression distorts your thinking. When you are depressed, your mind can play tricks on you." Perhaps that is why it is so hard to get some people to understand that life isn't as bad as they think it is. At some point in your life you've probably heard a mother or father tell you to stray away from negative people. Why do your parents tell you this? Well believe it or not, it's not because your parents hate you and strive to make your life more miserable. It is because humans are a species that develop the traits of those who we spend time with. Naturally, our first instinct is to disagree. People generally like to think of themselves as individuals. But mimicking others is in our nature as human beings. In fact, it's been proven that people that are attracted to each other will mimic each others gestures. For example, if one leans to the left, the other will also lean to the left. If one person coughs, the other one might in a few minutes. (It's a fun thing to watch for on your next date.) But just like on a date, you will also tend to naturally mimic those around you emotionally. This is exactly why your parents tell you to stay away from 'troublemakers,' or people with 'problems.' But what happens when the person with a problem is someone that you really care about? 

Have you ever known anyone that struggles with depression? It's like loving a shadow of who that person used to be. Have you ever had someone you love tell you that they don't want to live anymore? It's like getting hit the the chest with a brick. You start thinking about all of the things that you could have done to make them feel that way. You start trying everything in your power to help them. If your efforts make no difference towards their attitude it makes you feel even worse. You feel helpless. It breaks your heart to see someone you care about not care about themselves. It's as if while you're trying to put them back together they're ripping you apart in the process. 

It's hard for others to understand why you still associate with that person. They don't understand why you try so hard to help someone that doesn't want your help. But for a lot of people, the answer is simply fear. The fear of 'what if.' 

What if you did stop caring? 

What if you did give up on trying? 

Either one of two things would happen. 

A. They will be fine and fix themselves through self motivation.

or 

B. They won't get better and you will have to live with the fact that you could have done more to help them and didn't. But now it's too late. Because they're gone. 

There is no black and white simple solution. 

They are constantly on your mind. 

How can I make them feel better today? 

How can I make them happier? 

How can I help them? 

If I did something, would it change anything?

 It's like swimming in an ocean with the current constantly pushing against you. You go nowhere and you're constantly tired. Living with Depression is hard. 

But, living with someone who is depressed is just as hard.

References 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/200907/10-little-known-facts-about-depression

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zApulZXDLVQ
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