The Hardest Button to Press

        The Delete Key 
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Deleting things is very hard for me. 

I realized this about a year ago. 

While scrolling through my phone I came across an old friend of mine's number. Mikey Campbell.

CLICK HERE Mikey Campbell Swaggiest Kid You'd Ever Meet

Mikey passed away a little over two years ago. As I was staring down at my phone screen I found that I didn't know what to do. I kept thinking about all of the times that he called me at 1 am saying things that I should have paid closer attention to. All these memories of that crazy kid kept flowing through my head. 

I felt like if I deleted his number it would be like me officially accepting that he was gone. No, i'm not crazy, I know how death works. But never the less, I couldn't bring myself to delete the number. I knew that once it was gone, it was gone forever. I now have a few numbers in my phone that I am having the same issue with. 

It took me getting a new phone to get rid of my grandfathers (deceased)  and ex boyfriends number. 

Same thing goes for pictures as well. 

It took me about a year to delete all of the pictures on my phone of my ex. 

Why? 

Because I know that after I deleted those, the memories would slowly fade and eventually go away all together. 

It's not that I mind forgetting things...it's just knowing that I would have to let go of something that I at one point loved. 

It's much harder then expected. 

Don't believe me? 

Here's a little challenge for you. Go through your phone and delete one contact from your phone. There is at least one contact in there that you don't need anymore. Someone who you either don't need to get in contact with, or someone you can't get in contact with. 

You might be able to do it with ease.

But trust me...when you have that delete that 

one person in your life that 

you aren't ready to stop loving...then it's going to be much harder. 

Helping or Hurting

 Everyone always talks about what it's like to live with depression, but what is it like to live with a loved one that suffers from depression? 

How do you help someone who refuses to be helped? 

How do you keep someone happy when all they want to be is sad? 

       Some people have a permanent raincloud that is in constant hover above their heads. Psychology Today states, "Depression distorts your thinking. When you are depressed, your mind can play tricks on you." Perhaps that is why it is so hard to get some people to understand that life isn't as bad as they think it is. At some point in your life you've probably heard a mother or father tell you to stray away from negative people. Why do your parents tell you this? Well believe it or not, it's not because your parents hate you and strive to make your life more miserable. It is because humans are a species that develop the traits of those who we spend time with. Naturally, our first instinct is to disagree. People generally like to think of themselves as individuals. But mimicking others is in our nature as human beings. In fact, it's been proven that people that are attracted to each other will mimic each others gestures. For example, if one leans to the left, the other will also lean to the left. If one person coughs, the other one might in a few minutes. (It's a fun thing to watch for on your next date.) But just like on a date, you will also tend to naturally mimic those around you emotionally. This is exactly why your parents tell you to stay away from 'troublemakers,' or people with 'problems.' But what happens when the person with a problem is someone that you really care about? 

Have you ever known anyone that struggles with depression? It's like loving a shadow of who that person used to be. Have you ever had someone you love tell you that they don't want to live anymore? It's like getting hit the the chest with a brick. You start thinking about all of the things that you could have done to make them feel that way. You start trying everything in your power to help them. If your efforts make no difference towards their attitude it makes you feel even worse. You feel helpless. It breaks your heart to see someone you care about not care about themselves. It's as if while you're trying to put them back together they're ripping you apart in the process. 

It's hard for others to understand why you still associate with that person. They don't understand why you try so hard to help someone that doesn't want your help. But for a lot of people, the answer is simply fear. The fear of 'what if.' 

What if you did stop caring? 

What if you did give up on trying? 

Either one of two things would happen. 

A. They will be fine and fix themselves through self motivation.

or 

B. They won't get better and you will have to live with the fact that you could have done more to help them and didn't. But now it's too late. Because they're gone. 

There is no black and white simple solution. 

They are constantly on your mind. 

How can I make them feel better today? 

How can I make them happier? 

How can I help them? 

If I did something, would it change anything?

 It's like swimming in an ocean with the current constantly pushing against you. You go nowhere and you're constantly tired. Living with Depression is hard. 

But, living with someone who is depressed is just as hard.

References 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/200907/10-little-known-facts-about-depression

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zApulZXDLVQ
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